


The One That I Want

by World_of_AUs



Category: Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Oblivious, Requited Unrequited Love, ceo!bucky barnes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-02
Updated: 2020-11-07
Packaged: 2021-03-07 19:48:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 19,961
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26773180
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/World_of_AUs/pseuds/World_of_AUs
Summary: “They stood there pretending to just be friends when all the while everyone in the room could plainly see that they were only existing for one another.”
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Reader
Comments: 50
Kudos: 118





	1. Cause I Need A Man

**Author's Note:**

> A/n; Part one of the request sent in by the ever so lovely @lookiamtrying! I am excited for this one, originally it was supposed to be a one-shot but with the description of the request I knew it just wasn’t going to happen the way I wanted and i wouldn’t be happy with my final work. I do hope you enjoy the first part to this mini-series and that it is everything you might be hoping for. As for how many chapters aiming for three but if we have to hit five max we will.
> 
> Series Masterlist / WorldofAUs Masterlist

Your alarm chirped on your nightstand a low groan of annoyance slipping past your lips as you tried to roll away from the incessant sound. It was to no avail as the alarm grew louder the more you tried to succumb to the sleep that was slowly leaving your body.

A grunt of frustration leaves your lips, legs kicking the tangled sheets wildly as you reached for your phone in a huff stopping the alarm from screaming any further.

Tired eyes took in the time; ‘6:30 a.m.” stared back at you, you had thirty minutes to get you and Bucky to the office. Tossing your phone onto your bed, you pushed yourself from the warmth and comfort of your plush sheets, a huff leaving your lips as you stumbled around the room gathering your things in hand. You were pulling open your door when your eyes met his, he looked back into the room before he was shutting the door quietly, his eyes meeting yours again, mouth parting. You shook your head as you moved past him, “no Barnes, get rid of the poor girl yourself,” you hissed quietly as you slid into the shared bathroom.

He slid in right after you door closing quietly behind the two of you, “C’mon doll,” he pleaded, “she wasn’t even supposed to end up here,” you dropped your clothes on the counter turning your head to him brow raised in disbelief, “fine she was, but she shouldn’t have stayed the night!”

It was your turn to roll your eyes as you bent over to turn on the shower, “how clingy is she,” you questioned as your fingers curled around the bottom of your night shirt.

“Level ten clingy,” you tossed the shirt to the floor, “where the hell do you find these women Buck,” you questioned hands finding the tops of your shorts.

“At the bar Sam and Steve like to frequent,” he answers, eyes roaming shamelessly over your lace covered body, trailing to your backside

You threw your shorts at him, “take a picture, it’ll last longer,” you murmur crossing your arms over your chest, he smirks, “what do you say doll, help a guy out?”

You shook your head, fingers reaching around for the clasp of your bra, “give me ten minutes,” you replied, the clasp coming undone, the straps slipping from your shoulders, “and please go get dressed we have less than thirty minutes to get to the office, and unless you want Steve breathing down your neck, I’d get moving.”

He doesn’t move; eyes trained on your hands clasping the bra to your chest, you laugh, “not going to happen Barnes, you see enough action for both of us, go.”

His eyes meet yours, and for a second you swear you see lust clouded there, but if it was it’s gone in an instant as a smirk tugs at the corner of his mouth, “just say the word sweetheart, you know I’ll take care of you.”

You fling the lace garment at his chest, “I need a man Barnes, not sure you quite fill that roll,” you grin.

“You and I both know I could be that man doll,” he laughs pocketing your bra in his joggers, his hands turning to reach for the door.

“you better leave that bra in my room,” you mutter watching him slip through the door, “it’s mine now sweets, and you better hurry if we’re late I’m telling Rogers it was your doing.”

You glared at the closed door, ridding yourself of the last bit of your clothing before stepping into the now cooled water, “goddamnit,” you muttered.

You rushed through your shower, stumbling around in the bathroom as you threw on your clothes. You took one last look in the mirror smoothing over your white blouse, and pencil skirt, tucking away the baby hairs into your slick bun.

You were pulling open the door when you froze, heart aching in your chest, your hand curling around the knob to keep your feet from failing you. Bucky’s newest conquest was wrapped in his arms, lips pressed to his, fingers curled in his wavy locks. You glanced away for a second, breathing in a breath through your nose as you composed yourself.

“Really James,” you hissed hip cocked as you watched them tear apart from one another, a gasp leaving the pretty brunette’s lips. “w-who is she?”

You raised a brow, “sweetheart it’s not me you should be worried about,” her brows furrowed looking between you and Bucky, “what is she talking about, James who is this, I thought you lived alone,” you raised a brow head cocking to the side as you stared Bucky down.

“Y/n,” Bucky drawled, “now doll,” you raised a finger shushing him.

“Look James it is no concern to me what you do, but what will Steven think?”

“who’s Steve,” the brunette questioned, your eyes met hers, “Steve is his boyfriend.”

A noise left the brunettes lips, her eyes snapping to Bucky’s her hand meeting his cheek shortly, “jesus fuck,” he hissed, hand falling to his cheek. The brunette huffed as she stomped towards the door, head snapping to the two of you, “I hope you tell his boyfriend,” she hissed the door slamming behind her.

A second later Bucky’s eyes are on yours glaring, a smile tugs at your lips, “how’d I do?”

“Steve y/n, really, you know she’s going to spread that through the bar,” you shrugged your shoulders as you brushed past him, “should have been more specific in the way you wanted me to get her out Buck, now come on, or Steve’s going to have both our heads.

Bucky’s hand is tightly intertwined with yours as he pulls you along, the two of you rushing through Barne’s Enterprise as you make a beeline for the elevators, “how much time,” he breathes smashing the button.

“we have five minutes,” your replied heel tapping against the tiled floor, “and I’ve already received a notification for the meeting with Tony Stark that’s in five minutes.”

“Son of bitch,” he groans tugging you into the elevator the second it slides open, “why is this thing going so slow,” he huffs.

“Relax Buck, you’re going to get to your meeting on time with Stark.”

“yeah and after Steve is going to have my head on a platter for being even a second late.” 

You tugged on his hand getting his attention, “Steve isn’t going to have anyone’s head on a platter as long as your meeting with Stark goes well and I know you, so I know it’ll go well,” you reassure, “you know Steve only stresses when you stress, just agree to whatever tony asks of you for the gala event coming up this week, and I promise it’ll be a successful meeting, and don’t forget to call your ma during lunch she won’t have it if I have to take a message again,” his lips part to speak but your interrupting again, “and don’t forget after lunch your meeting with Steve and Sam to go over numbers and to discuss your attire for the gala.”

A soft smile tugs at his lips, “what would I do without you,” he questions as the elevator draws to a stop, “probably crash and burn, but don’t thank me just yet, if these doors don’t open within the next minute Rogers will have both our heads.”

Another groan falls from Bucky’s lips as the doors draw open and just as expected Steve and Tony are waiting by the reception desk. “And there he is,” Steve grunts out, lips in a tight line from where he stands slightly behind Tony, eyes shifting between you and Bucky.

Your moving forward then a confidence in your stride, “I am so sorry Mr. Rogers, Mr. Stark,” you greet, your words catching Bucky off guard, “You see I was just coming in when I caught up with Mr. Barnes in the lobby, I thought I would have enough time to go over his schedule without eating into his meeting with you but it seems I threw us off a few seconds, I apologize immensely for that, would you like to follow me this way please,” Tony claps his hands a grin sliding onto his face, “Rogers, Barnes shall we.”

It’s a minutes later before your waltzing back out of Bucky’s office, Natasha waiting for you by your desk. A knowing smile tugging at her lips as you draw closer,

“So what broad did you have to run off this time?”

You rolled your eyes, “a petite little brunette, apparently a level ten clingy,” she shook her head, “your too good to that man y/n, is he even aware of how deeply invested you are in him because god knows he’s too dumb to see how taken he is with you.”

A sigh left your lips as you rounded the desk, taking the chair next to her, “don’t start Tasha, I really don’t want to hear it, Bucky is not in any way taken with me,” you replied booting up your desktop.

“Oh please y/n that man is just as smitten for you as you are for him, but he’s to wrapped up in his head to realize it.”

“Nat,” you whine, “please don’t, I think I’ve already dealt with enough heartache this morning, and it came in the form of a petite brunette, I don’t need you building up false hope only for it to crash down the second he’s asking me to run off another of his latest conquests.”

“Y/n,” Natasha tries, but you’re giving her a look, “look Nat as much as I might be in love with him, Bucky isn’t ready to settle, and the countless woman that I’ve had to run off for him are proof enough that he isn’t ready,” you sigh, “Nat I don’t want a boy, I need a man, and right now Bucky isn’t that man, no matter how badly I’d like him to be.”

“but he could be,” she replies, giving you a look right back.

“Y/n be upfront with him; I guarantee that the outcome won’t be as horrible as your making it out to be in that head of yours.”

You shake your head, “s’not going to happen Nat, now look drop it, we have work to do, and emails are already beginning to poor in from Barnes and Rogers, and if we want to ditch for lunch a little early we need to start sorting through them.

Natasha rolls her eyes, “I’ll drop it for now, but I have the rest of the week to make you see, to make the both of you see.”


	2. My Heart Is Set On You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: none, fluff, Bucky Barnes being an oblivious baby bean.
> 
> A/n: Part Two of the lovely, @lookiamtrying‘s request, this will be likely 5 to 7 chapters long depending on how badly Bucky messes up because we need a happy ending y’all! Also oops for that last scene. Anyway I hope you enjoy this sweet little chapter before we delve into the angst of it all.

“No, absolutely not Barnes, why would you even agree to something like that!”

“You told me too,” he argues, “you said and I quote ‘just agree to whatever tony asks of you’.

“I didn’t mean everything,” you screeched, “Bucky you just gave stark permission to auction me off for a date with a complete stranger for his charity event, like did you even realize what you were agreeing to before the words had even left your mouth?!”

“Natasha and Wanda will be auctioned off too,” he adds as if that made anything better, Nat would likely have his head when she found out.

“How did this even get brought up,” you questioned feet pacing the carpeted floor of the living room.

“Tony asked who are dates were, Steve said he was going with Tasha, Sam mentioned he was going to ask Wanda, and well naturally I said you.

Your brows furrowed, “but what does that have anything to do with us being added to the auction,” you questioned, “we wouldn’t even be a part of the list had you three not mentioned Wanda, Nat, and I as your dates, were just your secretaries.”

Bucky sighs fingers rubbing at the back of his neck, “look y/n Tony had mentioned in the meeting today what we thought about having our dates taken up on stage to be bid for a date, we immediately asked why, I can assure you we didn’t agree right away,” he added, “and Tony told us that our dates might be bid on higher since they were that, our dates,” you brows furrowed in confusion. Bucky sighs, “look there’s going to be some men and women there that think Sam, Steve, and I are very important men in the industry and Tony thought that if they see our dates being presented for a date with one of them, then the bids might be higher, it’s like they’d be getting something of ours in a sense, or at least that’s how Tony presented it to us.”

“Jesus buck,” you sigh rubbing at the reforming headache, “did you all even think about how we might take the news,” you questioned, “or did you three idiots, just throw caution to the wind and say fuck it, let them find out the night of when they’re being dragged on stage against their will, they’re our secretaries they can’t say no.”

A groan slipped past Bucky’s lips, his body flopping back onto the couch, “see I told them you would react like this, this is exactly why I tried to say no!”

“Oh I’m sorry,” you argued, “I’m sorry I’m not the welcoming committee you so hoped for but I mean c’mon Buck, you’re letting us be auctioned off to men or women we don’t know, how are you expecting to break the news to Wanda and Nat?!”

A grimace breaks Bucky’s lips, “yeah, about that” he starts.

“no, oh no, no, no, NO, James Buchanan Barnes!”

“Y/n please,” he pleads, “they’d understand it more coming from you babe!

“Don’t start with the pet names Barnes,” you glare, “they will get you nowhere,” you huff, “not only do you throw this shit on me now, but you are also expecting me to get you three out of a mess you made, a decision you could have very well said no too!”

Bucky pushes to his feet approaching you with caution, “doll,” he starts, “sweetheart, please, the girls would have our heads, well at least Steve and Sam’s heads, we would be in your debt if you did this for us babe, please?”

A groan leaves your lips, you knew Wanda and Natasha would not react well if the guys were to tell them, but you were certain they would react no better to you either.

Bucky takes this chance to wrap his arms around your shoulders, head falling to yours, “I’ll do whatever you want for the week and the week after y/n, please help us out here, the girls will take it better hearing it from you.”

You curse under your breath, “fine Barnes,” you murmur pushing him away, “but you better find somebody else to run off the little whores who invade your bed, because I’m not doing it anymore.” you add finger poking him in the chest.

“oh come on babe,” he groans, you shake your head, “but no one gets rid of them like you do!”

“well then let Steve and Sam know they’re on their own, and hopefully they won’t get ripped a new one.” you reply turning on your heel, you were intent on a warm shower and slipping into the comfort of your sheets.

Bucky grabs a hold of your wrist stopping you mid stride, “fine, fine, I won’t bring any girl home for the next two weeks, just please don’t be mad at me doll, you know I’m miserable without you.” he pouted tugging on your arm.

“I know Buck,” you laugh tugging your arm away, “and I also know that your whole world would crash and burn without me, so please don’t try your luck.” 

“where are you going babe, what about movie night,” he calls out to your retreating form.

“To take a warm shower and crawl into bed!”

He grins feet trailing you, his form stopping just outside of the doorway of your bedroom watching you grab your things, “mind if I join,” you roll your eyes with a shake of your head, “negative Barnes I think you’d make my headache worse than you already have for the day.”

“oh come on, I’m sure I could find a way to help you de-stress,” he grins body sliding off the doorway.

Your hand comes into contact with his chest, heart racing at the look he’s giving you, “Buck,” you warn, “I will not be another notch on your bedpost, if you want someone to warm your bed for the night go to the bar.”

“sweetheart I’d have you coming for more than one night,” he murmurs, fingers grasping a hold of your chin, there go your panties.

“buck I’m not going to be one of your many bed warmers, I’ve explained this to you already if I’m warming your bed it’s because you’ve gotten your shit together, and professed your undying love for me.”

A chuckle falls from his lips, one that goes straight to your core, “you and ma would love that wouldn’t you,” he grins thumb running over your lower lip, “for me to profess my undying love for you?”

Yes.

“and as much as your ma and I would love that Bucky, the girls passing in and out of our shared apartment say otherwise, now can you move, I’d really like to go shower.”

He lets you go, though his words stop you mid stride, “does it bother you,” you look over your shoulder in question, “the multiple women?”

“would it matter?”

Your words leave Bucky stumped, but you don’t leave him time to dwell on them as you continue to the shared bathroom calling out for him to pick a movie.

You lean against the locked bathroom door phone in hand, fingers tapping at the screen as you compile a group text to Wanda and Natasha.

_Lunch this week?_

_**What did Barnes do?** _

_Wouldn’t you like to know, so lunch?_

_**Of course.** _

“Please for the love of god tell me you gave Barnes shit y/n, I mean I will still rain hell on Wilson for ever agreeing to something without informing me as soon as he knew, but please tell me you gave him hell for us.”

“it’s Barnes,” Natasha spoke up, “y/n doesn’t have it in her to be mad at that man,” she chides, “she hangs the moon and stars for him don’t you know.

You threw a fry at her, “I do not Tasha, I help him keep his life together -”

“exactly you hang the moon and stars for him!”

You roll your eyes, “for your information Tasha, I did give Barnes shit, and I also may have slightly, and I mean ever so slightly taken your advice.”

“oh,” she questions brow raised, “as much as I am dying to hear about it, we’ll have plenty of time once we get back to the office, now though, I would very much like to hear about how you gave Barnes shit about signing us up for this.”

A sigh left you lips, fingers swirling the straw of your drink around as you recalled last nights events.

“so Barnes actually agreed to stop bring women home,” Wanda questioned, “is he actually going to hold up to it?”

“honestly we all know how he is, I’m surprised he even agreed to it in the beginning,” you shrugged.

“Now, now y/n,” Natasha spoke up, “as much of a man slut as we think Barnes is, I’m telling you, that man is just as heart eyed for you as you are him.”

“that’s for sure,” Wanda murmured under her breath.

“don’t start this again,” you muttered, “like I told Barnes last night, as much as we would love for him to profess his undying love for me, the many girls that I’ve had to run from that damn apartment speaks volumes, I don’t know what you guys see, but I can tell you whatever you ARE seeing it ain’t it.”

Now Natasha was the one rolling her eyes, “Barnes just needs some help y/n trust me.”

“You better not Nat,” you reply pointing an accusatory finger at her.

“what, what am I going to do that shouldn’t have been done years ago!”

“Natasha Romanoff, do not meddle,” you argued, “someone’s going to end up getting hurt with your meddling and it’s going to be me.”

“but you’re already getting hurt babe,” Wanda cuts in.

Your leaning back in your seat, “and I’d rather feel this type of hurt than the hurt that will surely overcome me when Barnes rejects the living hell out of me, Nat, Wands, I don’t fit his type” you add, “I’ve seen the women that fall through his door, the ones that steal away that last kiss in the morning, the ones who aren’t as quiet as they’d like to think they’re being, I’ve seen them and I’m not it.”

There’s a momentary look of sadness that falls over Natashas features, but it’s so quick you almost didn’t catch it.

“Barnes is an absolute idiot,” she murmurs, “and if he doesn’t get his head out of his ass, I will do it for him.”

“Natasha,” you chide, though it doesn’t last long when your phone begins to trill on the table, Bucky’s contact popping up, a groan leaves your lips.

“You going to answer lover boy?”

You squint your eyes at her but reach for the phone nonetheless, you’re barely breathing out a hello when Bucky rambles off an address that he demands you meet him at immediately. Your brows furrow further when the call disconnects. Wanda and Nat look at you expectantly, “well,” they question.

“He wants me to meet him at a dress boutique a few blocks down.”

“did he mention why,” wanda questions further.

“No, just that I needed to meet him there immediately.”

“well what are you waiting for y/n, go,” Natasha adds, “what no Nat, let me pay for my check and then I’ll go,” you argue.

“nonsense we got this, we’ll see you at the office and we expect to hear all about it!”

You look at Wanda, “go y/n, Nat’s right we’ll talk all about it over coffee and donuts tomorrow, now go we’ll cover your tab!”

“fine,” you huff as your grab your things, “but text me your coffee orders and the donuts you’d like, if anything I’ll see you back at the office im sure this won’t take long.”

They’re both waving you off, as you make your way out the door and onto the busy sidewalk.

By the time you arrive at the boutique you’re slightly out of breath, maybe you should have taken two cars when you had decided to go out for lunch with the girls.

“hey there you are, woah did you run here?” Bucky questions when you stride over to him.

“I was at lunch with the girls, and we only took one car, so I walked here.”

“Y/n,” he chides, “why didn’t you say something I would have picked you up babe!”

You wave him off, “doesn’t matter Buck, why are we here, you know we both have work to do right?”

“I’ve given us both the rest of the day off,” he replies, “and we’re here because I feel like an absolute ass for being such a horrible boss and an even worse best friend to you.”

Your raising a brow, “Bucky, what’s going on?”

“I asked you to meet me here so that we can get you an extravagant dress for the charity event, it doesn’t matter the price, whatever dress you like it’s yours.”

“Bucky you don’t have too,” you shake your head, “you really don’t need to do this i’m sure I could have found something with Nat and Wanda later this week I-”

“Let me do this for you,” he adds cutting you off, “there really is no one more deserving of something like this than you.”

“If it’s too expensive, I’m not taking it,” you reply pointing a finger at him.

His arm falls over you shoulders as he lets you lead him to a first rack, “you’re leaving with something today doll, and you’re leaving with whatever you feel like a goddess in.”

“we’ll see Barnes, we’ll see.”

No one really tells you how hard shopping for a dress can be, especially when the price tag is screaming at you.

“Doll you have to start coming out, I’ve already told you the price tag doesn’t matter to me!”

You huff shrugging off yet another dress, it wasn’t just the price tag, it was also the fact that none of these dresses had scream you yet.

“Barnes these dresses could literally be a down payment on a home!”

“Sweetheart, I’ll get you a home too if that gets you out here for me,” your head pops through the curtain, a pout on your lips, “Buck seriously these dresses are too expensive and so far, none of them have popped out to me!”

“y/n, you could wear a paper bag and you would be the most gorgeous girl there, now please try something and show me.”

Your shaking your head, a groan falling from Bucky’s lips, “fine you wait there, I think I’ve got something that might change your mind.”

“Bucky,” you call out after him, but he’s gone from the couch before you can stop him from going.

You slip back into the curtain, a puff of air leaving your lips as you look over the selection of dresses you had chosen that you had thought might be the one, but they all had been far from it.

A second later, a dress is being shoved in through the slit of the curtain, “here doll, this one’s the one I guarantee it, and you better come out this time!”

You placed the dress on to the hook, your breath catching slightly as your eyes looked over the material of the floor length gown. Removing it off the hanger you lifted it till you were able to slip in from the bottom, the creamy sheets of the silk dress slipping past your shoulders. The material peppered your skin with a velvet like touch. 

The material fell loosely around you, your eyes raking your form in in the mirror, it was a greenish-blue gown made of soft, satiny fabric, long and loose. A high collar made of silk-like materials captivated your eyes.

“anytime now y/n, you have to come out for this one,” you heard Bucky call out.

You took a nervous breath, stomach fluttering with nerves as you moved to the curtain, you peeked your head out slightly, Bucky turning his head when he heard you call softly for him. His breath caught in his throat as he watched glide from the dressing room, cautious feet carrying you to him.

“what do you think?”

Bucky couldn’t form the words, he didn’t have the words to say to even begin to explain how beautiful you were, how ethereal you looked to him.

“I - uh – wow sweetheart,” he murmurs moving forward.

There’s that static again the one he’s been feeling for months around you, that crackling in the air that’s always happened whenever the two of you got within a foot of each other.

“you look gorgeous sweetheart, what do you think?”

Your eyes fall to the mirror in the dressing room, “i - it’s beautiful Buck, “you’re turning to him then.

You are beautiful.

“But this is much too expensive Bucky, again I could put this to a down payment on a house.”

His fingers grip your chin, “sweetheart, do you feel beautiful,” he questions, “well yes, but,” he shakes his head “but nothing, you’re taking it.”

“But bucky the down payment on a house,” you try to argue because really it was too much.

A finger presses to your lips, “I’m getting you a house too if it makes you take that dress sweetheart, you are absolutely beautiful, and I can see that that dress makes you happy, so we’re taking it.”

He’s turning you, hands pushing you into the dressing room, “now go we have a few more stops to make.”

Your head snaps to his, “what?”

“hurry up y/n, I’ll tell you all about it on our way out now go, I’ll be at the counter.”

“Your girlfriend there is very lucky,” the lady at the counter comments, “oh she’s,” Bucky tried to say, but the lady continues, “you look at her like she lights up your world, my husband used to look at me like that.”

“she looks at you the same you know,” she adds, “you can tell she is absolutely taken with you; I’ve never seen two people so in love.”

The words have Bucky stunned because he doesn’t see you like that at least he doesn’t think he does. You’re his best friend, you keep his life together, it can’t be something more, and that spark, well hell who wouldn’t be attracted to someone like you, and that’s what it is it’s nothing more than attraction, right?

“Bucky you’ll have to let me pay you back for this.”

Your voice pulls him from his thoughts, and he can’t help but to look at you, to really look at you, and for a second he thinks why hadn’t he seen this before.


	3. Your The One That I Want

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: angst, hurt feelings, even more hurt feeling, EVEN MORE HURT FEELINGS!
> 
> A/n: Part three of the lovely @lookiamtrying‘s request, alright so I changed the request up the tiniest bit, and you’ll see how, it wasn’t my intention, BUT, I did it anyway because I’m a bucket like bucket barnes. Please don’t be too mad at me, bucket and i wouldnt have it! Also the gif is just a diversion… I hope you’ll enjoy this chapter and I’m thinking this series will cap off at about six possibly seven chapters, because BUCKET needs to fix his mistakes and we STAN happy endings here at worldofAUs so its a must. Happy Readings Angels!

“You really don’t see it,” he questions, brow raised over the drink in his hand, “you’re telling me you really didn’t see what was right in front of you?”

Bucky rolls his eyes, downing his drink, a low hiss falling from his lips, “and this is why I choose to tell Steve things.”

Sam scoffs, “no, you choose to tell Rogers things, because you can’t handle the truth, and that’s all I’ll ever tell you, is the truth Barnes.”

“and what’s the truth here Wilson, huh,” he questions, “that I’m in love with my best friend, what are we some chick flick?”

“You really going to do this right now man,” Bucky raises a brow in question, Sam shakes his head, “Bucky that girl hangs the moon and stars for you, and she’s not just doing it because it’s her job, that girl is in love with you, you big oaf, how can you not see it?”

“Sam it’s not like that, for crying out loud she willingly throws girls out of our shared apartment,” he tries to argue, “she keeps me in line, she makes sure I’m not a complete wreck 24/7, I would crash and burn without her keeping me together like she does!”

Sam stares at his friend dumbfoundedly, “Barnes, are you not hearing yourself,” Bucky rubs at his head, “you’re a special kind of dumb you know that?”

Bucky scoffs glaring at his friend, “when did Steve say he was getting here?”

Sam shakes his head, “I have no idea what y/n sees in you man, swear if it wasn’t for your looks and those baby blues of yours there would be nothing special about you.”

Bucky chucks a wadded napkin at Sam’s chest, “you don’t know what you’re talking about Wilson, and for that the next drinks are on you.”

Sam scoffs as he leaves the table, muttering the quiet words, “you beautiful dumbass,” under his breath, leaving Bucky to his thoughts, thoughts of you.

“Okay I have to agree with Sam on this one Buck, you really are a special kind of dumb pal, how are you not seeing it you really think y/n willingly throws girls out of your home without feeling some type of way?”

Bucky slams the glass down onto the table, a hiss falling from his throat, “oh not you too,” he groans eyeing Steve.

Steve’s raising a brow, and suddenly Bucky isn’t drunk enough for this, “Guys it’s really not like that,” he groans, “y/n doesn’t have a problem with the girls -”

“okay and we’re not your friends.”

Bucky tilts his head in question, Steve sighs, “you want to talk lies, thought Id throw a lie out there as well Buck, just because y/n doesn’t voice her issues with the various girls she has to throw out for you, doesn’t mean that her having to do them isn’t upsetting her.”

Bucky’s throwing a look at Sam, “did you text him before he got here?” he accuses.

“Man, I don’t have to text anyone about this situation because the only one who is blind to this entire situation is you, and it seems you’d like to keep it like that.”

“I am not,” he huffs, “Steve please back me up here man!”

Steve raises his hands, “sorry pal not drunk enough for this.”

Bucky grumbles under his breath, hands flagging down a waitress, “yeah, well neither am I.”

And Bucky really wasn’t but after a few more drinks, it starts to hit him, “you alright there Barnes,” Sam questions a smirk tugging at his lips.

“I just,” he sighs drunkenly, “I’m thinking about it now, and I don’t see it guys, like lets say your right,” he throws out, “I don’t think I see her like that, she’s one of my best friends, I’m her boss.”

Steve and Sam are shaking their heads, another groan falling from Bucky’s lips, “it not that you don’t see it like that pal, you’re afraid to see it like that, you’ve always been afraid of your feelings,” Steve replies. 

“Yeah man, honestly if it had nothing to do with feeling some type of way you wouldn’t have called us out here asking us to meet you so you could rattle off about what the lady at the dress boutique had to say, and how y/n being in that dress made you feel,” Sam adds.

“I don’t know man I guess seeing y/n in that dress, and then the lady’s words really conflicted with me, and I feel like I just got caught up in the moment of it all.”

“bullshit,” Sam mutters, and Bucky’s glaring at him, or at least he thinks he is, “shut up Wilson you don’t know shit.”

“Oh don’t I,” he questions, “it seems I know and see more than your blind ass could ever.”

Bucky’s staring between Sam and Steve incredulously, the look alone screaming at Steve to ‘help him out, to back him up’ but Steve didn’t know what to tell his friend, he had never agreed with Sam more on something than he did in this moment.

Bucky let out a frustrated sigh, “look y/n is attractive yes, and she’s one of my best friends but I highly doubt that it is anything more than just that guys, look I just let myself get caught up in one single moment.” Denial.

Steve shakes his head, at the same time a scoff falls from Sam’s lips, “look man, this is the last thing I’m going to say on this matter alone, but I can’t wait to tell your ass I told you so, and I’m sure that moment is going to be much sooner than later.”

Bucky rolls his eyes, “whatever Wilson, look I’m done with this conversation, and I’m even more done with tonight, so I’m going to head home.”

Bucky didn’t wait around for anymore lecture from his friends, maybe this hadn’t been such a good idea, he should have just spent the rest of his day with you, rather than making some lame ass excuse at the boutique that Steve and Sam needed him to run over some numbers with.

By the time Bucky arrives to your shared apartment he has every intent on forgetting about the days events, and just throwing it all off to the side, only he knew how he felt, or how he assumed he felt. That quickly flew out the window the minute his eyes met yours, “hey how’d crunching numbers go with Steve and Sam, are you drunk,” you questioned adjusting yourself on the couch.

“does it bother you?”

Your head is tilting to the side in question, “does what bother me Buck that your drunk,” you questioned with a laugh.

“Me bringing girls home, does it bother you,” your laughter falls short, “uh Buck I-”

“just answer the question doll, does it bother you when I bring girls home, and does it bother you when you have to kick them out for me, when I ask you too?”

Your lips part, surely you couldn’t tell him, he would know right away when the words fell from your lips, but then again Natasha said you should tell him.

“Bucky I -” you look away trying to find the words, hands falling from the back of the couch to your lap, fingers twiddling, before your finding it in you to look at him again. 

“does it matter,” you question, you weren’t ready to lay your heart out just yet.

“of course it matters, y/n please.”

Your shaking your head, this wasn’t right, “why Bucky, why do you have to know if it bothers me, would I do it if it bothered me?”

“I need to know y/n,” your brows furrow heart racing in your chest, “what do you need to know Buck, I’m telling you if it bothered me I wouldn’t be doing it,” a lie.

A sound of frustration sounds from Bucky’s lips, and really, he shouldn’t be doing this while he is as buzzed as he is but he can’t stop the words from spilling out.

“because I’m apparently the only one that doesn’t see it y/n!”

Your taken back slightly, “doesn’t see what,” you question softly.

“that you’re in love with me,” he answers, “that you hang the damn moon and stars for me, is it true?”

Your breath catches in your throat, no, no, NO, the words flow from your lips shakily, “Buck your drunk and I’m not sure -”

“everyone sees it y/n,” he breathes, “even the lady at the boutique saw it too.”

“is that what is spurring this on, why your so adamant to know, because of what others are saying?

Bucky lets out a breath, he really should just go to bed and forget all this, but he’s a bumbling idiot when he’s drunk, and he doesn’t exactly know when to stop.

“y/n I don’t want you to get hurt.”

Oh, of course.

A soft scoff leaves your lips, a shake of your head, “well great job with that Barnes, at least I know where you stand now” you breath, his breath is catches in his throat, “it’s true?”

You throw the blankets off your legs, shutting the T.V. off, “y/n,” he tries, your head turns eyes meeting his, feet stopping in the hallway leading to the rooms.

“what Buck, what more could you possibly have to say, what more is there that you could possibly want to know, If you don’t want me to get hurt, then please just let me go to my room, and you go to yours.”

“y/n I - ”

Your shaking your head, “Bucky your drunk, please go to bed, I’m done with this conversation, you have the answers you need,” you murmur.

Except that Bucky doesn’t, or he feels he doesn’t, but he can’t bring himself to do anything more except to watch you leave. The soft click of your door sounding through the now quiet apartment.

Bucky Barnes had messed up, actually he had done more than that, he had hurt you, and in turn he was hurting, and he couldn’t understand why. Well he could, he just couldn’t wrap his head around what exactly he was feeling, was he feeling guilt, did he have feelings for you, he didn’t know, all of this had been thrown on him, and it left his head reeling.

You had been avoiding him, yet still keeping his life in order; the morning after his drunken stupor, he had woken up to his alarm instead of your voice, and to a glass of water and pills by his bedside with a note.

_‘take these, see you at the office at 7:30, I’ll have your schedule printed for the day and on your desk, don’t forget to call your ma, and Tony gala is in two days.”_

Bucky had messed up and he was beginning to see just how badly he had, your absence in the last couple of days weighed heavily in his mind, and it’s not like you weren’t there, because you were, you were just out of reach.

It was the day of the gala and he was an inch of a breath away from calling Tony and telling him he wasn’t going and that he would have to find another person to auction off. The auction, how could he have been so dumb to allow that as well.

“stop that,” he glances up from his spot on the bed, his eyes finding yours just outside of his doorway in the hall.

“stop what,” he murmurs in question, “I notice that look in your eyes Buck, whatever your thinking of doing, stop it.”

“how upset do you think Tony would be if I cancelled last minute?”

Your brows are furrowing, “now why would you cancel an invitation like Tony’s at the last minute if you didn’t have a death wish?”

Bucky sighs rubbing a hand through his hair, “I messed up y/n,” he murmurs, and you want to avert your eyes, but you hold the contact regardless of the emotions coursing through you, “everything feels so,” a sigh, “I don’t know.”

You brace yourself as you calculate your next words, “I know you didn’t waste a down payment for the future house you promised me on a dress that I will not be able to use because you want to be a baby about things Barnes.”

His lips part at your words, his body almost instantly relaxing, “but y/n about that night I-”

“consider it forgotten, you were drunk Bucky, people say stupid things when there drunk, it’s obvious you’re already sinking without me and that’s because I’m still here, so lets just get past this, no hard feelings.”

“y/n,” he tries to argue because he wants to explain whats going on in his mind, to talk about the feelings that have evaded his very soul but you’re stopping him.

“It’s forgotten Barnes, now you better get ready because I will not be planning your funeral, that’s where I draw the line with you.”

Your gone before he can even utter another word, your door closing softly behind you, there was no way he was going to mess this up tonight.

He had messed things up; he had acted in a flurry of jealousy, outbidding all the contenders that had held a paddle high above their heads as Tony kept calling out higher and higher numbers. He might have thought you would be relieved to see his paddle going up each time, but your face read differently from what it had on stage.

Steve and Sam hadn’t tried to hold him back, they had no idea of what Bucky had done that night that he had left the bar, had they known Sam would have surely taken the paddle from his hand and smacked him in the back of his head like he deserved, but they assumed he was finally getting his shit together.

You had waltzed off the stage handing him his ticket rather harshly with a swat to his chest, you hadn’t wanted to stay much longer as you waltzed past him and the others a flame of embarrassment dwelling within. Sam’s questioning him the second you walk past, “what the hell did you do Barnes?!”

He doesn’t have a chance to explain as he looks between his friends and your retreating back. You don’t stop to hear his calls, and you don’t speak a word when he finally gets a hand on you, “Y/n doll what’s wrong?”

Not a single word falls from your lips, eyes hard, lips set in a thin line, “take me home Barnes, now,” you speak a second later.

So he does at your request take you home, the car ride silent, your eyes wont meet his body pressed to the door. He doesn’t like how this makes him feel, it’s the same feeling he got when you were on stage and he saw those other men bidding on a date with you.

Its only when you’ve finally made it inside your home that he tries to talk to you, “y/n I don’t understand why you’re upset,” he starts, and he should have kept his mouth shut if the indication of the glare your throwing him is any message of your feelings.

“what the hell were you doing tonight Barnes, what the hell was that, did Tony ask you to bid on me?”

Bucky rubs at the back of his neck, “I thought you might be happy.”

He sees the moment your body goes tense, “y-you thought this would make happy, is that what you just said?”

He nods, though there is a grimace to his features, “you damned idiot,” you hiss, “why would you think you out bidding every possible contender who might actually want me was a good idea!”

“I thought this was something you would want,” he tries.

You shake your head eyes glaring, “you thought I would want to go on a date with someone who has made it clear not even three days ago that they didn’t have feelings about me,” you questioned, “you, and I quote ‘don’t want me to get hurt’ yet here you are bidding to go on a date with me, what the goddamned hell Barnes, what was going on through your mind in that moment,” you argue.

“I didn’t like seeing all these men bidding on you, I didn’t like how it made me feel,” he answers quietly.

“and you think I like having to run off those dames of yours every morning,” you questioned angrily, “you think I like to see them stick around for one last kiss!”

“don’t throw that on me,” he argues back, an unexpected anger rising, because really, he doesn’t like how this is all falling apart again, he really did think you would happy. “You never said anything y/n, had you told me how this made you feel we could have resolved this!”

“And what did you want me to tell you Barnes, you know that wouldn’t have stopped any of what you do, why would I say anything, your feelings aren’t reciprocated, I would have just gotten hurt further by you!”

“I just don’t think it’s fair y/n I did this for you, I potentially saved you from a bad date, at least it will be a date with me, no girl has ever made it to a moment like that.”

Your face falls, “do you ever think before you speak,” you questioned lip threatening to break, “it doesn’t matter if it was a date with you or not Barnes I don’t think you’ll ever realize just quite what you did tonight.”

“Then help me understand y/n because there’s been a lot of things that haven’t been making sense recently!”

“You outbid men who wanted to go on a date with me; that means they found me somewhat appealing, that they found me attractive, it could have meant a potentially amazing date with a man who might reciprocate my feelings sometime down the line.” You sucked in a breath tears rimming your eyes, “instead you decided to do something that will benefit you, something that will in no way benefit me -”

“what do you mean won’t benefit you, how does this not benefit you y/n?”

“do you really not see it Barnes,” you questioned, “how does going on a date with a man, who brings a different woman home every night benefit me, how does going on a date with a man who doesn’t reciprocate my feelings for him benefit me, in the end I get hurt Buck, so no this does not benefit me.”

The first tear slips from your eyes, “feel free to use that ticket on one of the lucky woman at the bar, they’ll get more benefit out of it than me, like you said, no woman has ever had the pleasure of going on a date with James Barnes himself,” you murmured turning on your heel.

“Y/n wait please -” he needs to explain, but this time you don’t stop to listen, your tired of hanging the moon and stars for a man that can’t do the same for you.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: angst.
> 
> A/n: the one where Bucky gets his ass and feelings handed to him multiple times. So this series will finish at 7 chapters total so we have three to go, and don’t you worry Bucky will be miserable till the end y’all. I’ve also fallen behind but that’s truly nothing new. Don’t you worry I’m going to get these updates out, and its going to be amazing lol. Anyway Happy Readings Angels!

With words a war can be wrought or a peace brokered. Words can heal a heart or tear it beyond repair. Words can be an inspiration sparked or self-esteem shattered and trodden into the ground. Words are medicine and weapons; they unite and divide. James Buchanan Barnes did not have a way with words, and that much was evident.

You hadn’t spoken to him all weekend, hadn’t even been in the house for him to try to speak with you about the events that had transpired on Friday, and he would know because he had waited on the couch for you all day Saturday and well into the evening on Sunday. He had even left his bedroom door open once he had retreated into his room for the night just to hear you come home, you never did, and the funny thing was he had never even seen you leave.

You don’t come home that night either, and the next morning he finds himself late to work, his alarm not going off like he had scheduled it too, and with you not knocking softly on his door, head peeking through to wake him from his sleep, he shows up to the office an hour late.

It was nearing the second hour when he finally pops through the elevator looking an absolute mess, his hair is in a disarray, shirt barely tucked in fully, tie twisted around his neck awkwardly.

His eyes meet yours, “y/n,” he huffs moving over to you, “thank god, where did you go, I’ve been worried sick about you all weekend!”

“You’ve been worried,” you question stoically, “funny, I never got a text or a call, must not have been that worried,” you shrug.

Bucky’s stumped at your behavior, surely you still wouldn’t be mad at him about Friday night, “wh- I- I- just thought.”

You laugh shaking your head, “of course you thought,” you murmur, reaching over your desk to place a post it note, “here are your meetings and calls, I won’t be rescheduling any of them Barnes, so if you’ll need to reschedule you can make the call yourself.”

Bucky’s brows furrow, as he grabs the note from your desk, his eyes are meeting yours, “y/n, doll what’s going on, this isn’t like you, do we need to go into the office and talk, there’s things I feel were left unsaid on Friday.”

Your shaking your head eyes flitting back to your computer, “you’ve said plenty Buck, and I’ve listened and bent for you one too many times, so I’m sorry that you feel there are things left unsaid, but I for one have nothing more to say.”

His form falls, “y/n, please,” he pleads, “I’ve gone about things all wrong, and I’m sure I’ve made a mistake but please let me try to explain.”

“You’re sure you’ve made a mistake,” you question, “no Barnes you have made a mistake, and where I would usually be bending myself backward to fix it for you, I’m not going to this time.”

His heart clenches in his chest at your words, a twist to it when you look away from him to look back at your work in front of you, “Is there anything else I can help you with Mr. Barnes,” you question eyes not meeting his.

He’s shaking his head, “well if there’s nothing more I’ll let you get to work, you have a pretty busy morning, and if anything new pops in I’ll have it emailed to you.”

Bucky can only helplessly watch on as you get to work, his feet slowly backing away from you till he’s turning and walking a shameful walk to his office, he had really messed up this time.

“I told you man, I told you, you were a special kind of dumb.” Bucky groans head falling to his hands, he doesn’t dare a glance at Steve because he knows what he’ll see.

“I’ve got to agree with Sam on this one, but I’m sure you already know that pal.”

Bucky shrinks further, “I just don’t know how I’m going to fix this one,” bucky murmurs eyes peeking through his fingers.

“How do you fix stupid,” Sam questions, and Bucky really wants to throw the closest thing on his desk at Sam’s head, but he deserves this.

“Now sam,” Steve tries, but Sam is waving a hand at him, “don’t start defending him Steve, he messed up, this idiot,” Sam mutters pointing a hand at him “tells y/n that he is jealous, jealous that men were bidding on her, instead of telling her that hey I think I might have feelings for you, this coward goes and says the exact opposite, what was it that you said?”

Bucky’s chest feels heavy at Sam’s words, “that I potentially saved her from a bad date, and at least it would have been a date with me,” he swallows the lump in his throat, “no girl has -”

“has ever made it to a moment like that,” Sam finishes for him with a shake of his head.

Steve winces, “Jesus Buck it sounds worse hearing it a second time, what the hell were you thinking pal?”

“I wasn’t,” Bucky groans, “I just,” he sighs, “seeing y/n the way that I did that afternoon -”

“not this again Buck,” Sam starts, “look man you can keep going to the excuse that it was seeing y/n in a different light, but I beg to differ man, if it was just seeing her in that dress, than you wouldn’t have acted upon the jealousy you were feeling that night, because okay say you don’t have feelings for y/n like you continuously argue, her going on a date shouldn’t have been a problem you could have just gone to the bar, picked up your own date and gone home and forgot about it, y/n would have been home eventually.”

“but Sam you don’t understand, those men,” the words die on his throat, “those men what, casper, are the same men as us, aren’t you, which is it?”

Bucky’s stumped because he’s certain it’s the latter, but his mind, his mind just won’t quit.

“Look Buck,” Steve speaks up, “put yourself in y/n’s shoes, imagine day in and day out since college you’ve been keeping her life together, making sure she eats, sleeps, making sure she makes time for her friends and more importantly time for her ma while also making sure she stays afloat at work, you quite literally hang the moon and stars for her,” Steve’s gauging for a reaction but he doesn’t quite see one so he continues, “now imagine she brings home a guy every night, then come morning she’s begging you to run the guy out, and just before the guy can run out he’s pulling her in for one last kiss that you stumble upon, and knowing that your feelings aren’t reciprocated, you put on a smile, and you tease her and the guy, you do this almost every night.”

Bucky’s face falls slightly, “now imagine, she comes home drunk one night after Wanda and Natasha try to get her to see that an afternoon encounter, is her coming to terms with her feelings, but instead of admitting it she decides to make you come out with your feelings only for her to shit on them by saying she doesn’t want you to get hurt, which is her drunken way of saying she’s an idiot and can’t come to terms with her feelings.”

His heart throbs in his chest, “now lastly imagine, you’re on a stage and there’s multiple women bidding for a date with you, and it makes you feel good, makes you feel attractive, hell wanted even, but y/n out bids each and every single one of them because the little green monster has reared herself, but instead of y/n admitting that she has feelings for you, she makes you believe that she’s doing you a favor, saving you from a potentially bad date, that you should be grateful for this date, hell you should be thankful even because no guy has ever had the chance of taking this step with y/n,” Steve stops, and he knows he’s gotten through, “tell me Buck how would you feel?”

A shaky breath leaves his lips, and hes running a hand through his hair, “oh god, fuck I messed up,” he grits through his teeth.”

“that’s an understatement pal.”

Bucky sits, and he sits, and he sits some more, Steve’s words resonating deeply within him as he plays the scenario, he wanted him to imagine repeatedly. He hates it each time, and the realization of what he’s done, of the feelings that he’s tried his hardest to push down crash into him at once blindsiding him. How could he have been such an idiot, Sam really was right, he was a special type of dumb.

He’s running a hand through his hair trying to figure out what the hell to do, aside from them getting his blind ass to see just how blind Bucky was being they hadn’t really given him much else. So he doesn’t know how to approach you, how to approach this situation without further upsetting you.

So he does what he thinks is best, he buzzes you into his office, and prays you’ll give him a chance.

He watches the door creak open your head popping through, and where there would once be a smile reserved for him, was now a thin set line of lips, “you buzzed Mr. Barnes,” and he hates the formality of it, hates how badly he had messed up what there was between the two of you.

“come in would you?”

Your body straightens as you push through the office door, his hand offering you the seat right in front of his desk. He can see the wariness as you take a seat, hands clasped together at your knees, he rubs at his head, fingers running over his scruff, “i-I don’t know where to begin.”

Your head tilts to the side in question, “what do you mean?”

“I was dumb y/n, that night that I came home drunk I-”

Your shaking your head, “not this buck,” you mutter pushing to your feet, and he’s standing with you, hands reaching out for you, “Bucky I told you I was done, I don’t have anything more to say!”

“Y/n please he pleads, just give me a chance,” he tries.

“and I told you this morning no Bucky, I’m not going to continue to set myself up for hurt with you, I’ve been handling the hurt for years now Buck, and I’m tired of it, tired of giving you everything and more and never getting shit back.”

“y/n if you would just let me explain, how I’m feeling, give me the chance to try and tell you how I’m feeling.”

“How’re you feeling,” you question, “you don’t feel anything Buck, you’ve told me as such yourself, you’ve also told me that you don’t want me to get hurt yet here you are continuing to pick at the situation, why,” you question.

“because y/n, like I said I was dumb, I made a mistake, I got scared of my feelings,” he takes in a breath, “of my feelings for you.”

Your shaking your head jaw clenched, and he’s wondering what he’s done wrong know.

“You really don’t know when to stop do you, not even when I’ve told you, and have asked you to stop.”

“wait what,” he questions, “y/n I,” he shakes his head, “sweetheart I’m trying to tell you I feel the same for you.”

“But do you, or are you already missing everything I would do for you,” you question, and his face falls, “y/n, doll n-”

“Bucky it took me leaving you over the weekend, and not being there in the morning to wake you up for you to finally come to terms with your feelings it seems.”

No, no, no.

“y/n its not like that, would you please just let me explain, let me try and make this right,” he’s desperate.

“I’m sorry Buck, but no, how do you even know your feelings are genuine when not even a week ago you were stumbling drunk into our home, telling me you didn’t feel the same, and then not even four days ago you’re telling me to be grateful for saving me from a potential date, that I should be thankful to have even been given the opportunity, I’m sorry buck, really I am, but I’m tired I-”

“you’re not hearing me out y/n, this is all new to me and you’re not hearing me out, I need to find the words to explain.”

You go to reply, but there’s a knock at the door, both your eyes turn to his office door, a mumbled come in sounding from his lips.

Bucky’s mothers head peeks through, a bright smile on her face, you turn your head to him slightly, “i’ll give you to some time,” you murmur.

And Bucky calls out to you, but your moving around the chair your Winnie engulfing you in her arms momentarily before she’s letting you move away. Its only when the door is closed, and she’s sure you’re out of hearing range that she really looks at her son, “what the hell did you do James Buchanan Barnes.”


	5. Losing Control

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: angsty feels.
> 
> A/n: Part five of our most problematic Bucket getting a taste of his own medicine. There will be a time skip but the skip and time frame will be mentioned so no worries! Two chapters left y’all, are we ready to wrap this series up, to have a semblance of fluff between these two? Also, CLIFFHANGER!!! As always happy readings angels. Other chapters can be found on my Masterlist!

Bucky’s looking at his mom with an unreadable expression, his resting face in full force, “well it’s good to see you too son,” she mutters walking over to smack him in the chest. It shakes him from his mind, “you weren’t on my schedule,” he replies watching his ma take a seat in the chair you had just been in.

His mother scoffs, “sit James,” he looks at the door one last time before he’s moving back around his desk, eyes falling to his mothers. 

“Now,” Winnie begins, “are you going to tell me what you did to y/n, or am I going to have to invite her over for dinner and find out on my own terms, because son, and I tell you this from the heart,” she adds, “that if that’s the case, then I won’t mind smacking your head straight.”

Bucky sighs running a hand over his face, “did y/n call you?”

His mother adjusts herself on the seat, “she did much more than just call, she begged me to make sure you were okay, she didn’t tell me what was going on, just that you might need someone to keep your head on straight for you.”

Bucky’s fingers still on his skin, “she told you that,” he questions softly.

His mother is nodding lips terse, “now I’ll ask again, what the hell did you do James, because while she may have told me snippets here and there, I need to hear it from you.”

Bucky slumps into the chair, hand running over his face before he’s leaning forward, “where do I even begin ma,” he questions, and his mother picks up on that tone that has her heart hurting momentarily for her son.

“Let’s start with the beginning.”

Once his lips part, he can’t bring himself to stop, it’s his ma, he tells his ma everything, aside from you and Steve she’s his best friend, though lately he’s been doing a shitty job to all three.

Winnie doesn’t but in like Steve, and she doesn’t shake her head and not hear his explanation like you would, no Winnie sits and listens, she hears all of it.

“Oh James,” she murmurs once he’s finished “James, James, James, if there’s one thing I wish I would have helped you with more is having a way with your words, to embrace those feelings you’re so scared of, the ones your father was always so adamant for you to dismiss.”

“thing is I know how I feel now ma, but y/n won’t hear of it, she thinks the worse of me right now ma I-“

“of course she’s not going to hear of your newfound feelings for her sweetheart, you hurt her, she’s hurt,” his mother argued, “did you really expect her to just fall to your feet the second you came to terms with your feelings especially after the awful, and yes I’m calling them awful,” his mother muttered when she saw Bucky’s brow raised, “because those were words that would hurt any woman who is as in love with you as y/n is.”

Bucky’s eyes fall down cast, “I didn’t mean to use those words to hurt ma, you have to know those weren’t my intentions,” he replies solemnly eyes meeting those of his mothers, “its just that the lady at the shop threw me for a loop when she described what she saw between me and y/n, then Sam and Steve were no help and I was drunk and wasn’t thinking when I confronted y/n, but she didn’t let me finish explaining myself that night either, and then the day of the ball came and those feelings showed themselves again with the green little monster rearing its head and I acted stupidly, and I got defensive when I shouldn’t have.”

Winnie shook her head, “oh James, why didn’t you come to me sooner, why go to a bar with Sam and Steve when you very well could have come to me and let me keep you from this mess you made?”

“what would you have said any differently ma, apparently everyone sees something between us that I couldn’t see, I thought it might just be lust that I was feeling.”

“Well you always have been a little slow at catching on to things and this situation wasn’t an exception it seems,” his ma huffs, “would you like to hear what I would have told you that night had you come to me instead of a bar?”

He nods his head slowly, “now you say that what you feel for y/n is just lust, but what has y/n ever done to you in that sense for it to be lust and not love,” she questions, “because I know y/n isn’t like those girls you bring home from the bars, now those girls I would understand you feel lust for, but y/n?”

“c’mon ma,” he tries, “y/n is gorgeous, she doesn’t have to try half as hard as those girls do, hell she could be in her loosest pjs and she would still be gorgeous to me.”

His ma laughs, “we all know she’s a looker Bucky, but I’m asking what she does, what makes you think it’s lust, sure let’s say her looks are one, but what else?”

He rests his head on his palms as he thinks of everything you do for him, “she makes sure I wake up on time in the morning, she makes sure I eat breakfast, dinner, and lunch,” he adds, “she keeps my life organized for me so I can function at my best, she makes sure I make time for my friends, and most importantly for the most important woman in my life,” he smiles, Winnie rolls her eyes, but a smile tugs at her lips nonetheless.

“She’s my best friend, she’s always there through it all, she’s been there for the good times, and the bad times, she’s been there even when I don’t deserve her to be.”

“tell me something son,” his mother questions softly, “does that sound at all like lust, does the ache in your heart at her absence feel like lust?”

Bucky sat on his mother’s words, he thought about the feelings that had been dwelling on him, thought about how he felt at the lady’s words, at Sam and Steves words, your words, it didn’t take long before it hit him.

There’s a twinkle in his mom’s eyes as realization crosses him, he didn’t know how he didn’t see it before, how he didn’t see you, the way you made him feel.

His head falls to his hand, fingers curling in his locks, “god ma,” he groans, she chuckles softly, “told you son, you aren’t always the brightest.”

“ma,” he whines, eyes peeking up at her, “what the hell am I going to do, I messed up ma, and y/n doesn’t want to hear it, how am I supposed to fix this?”

Winnies face falls slightly, “that son, that I can’t tell you,” she sighs, “but what I will tell you is that you need to give her time, you need to let her heal from this, but you also need to show her that you’re there and that you’re sorry.”

“but ma,” she raises a hand, “I know son, she doesn’t want to hear of it, but just like she pushed with you, you have to push for her too, you need to show her that you care, that you do love her like you’ve been trying to tell her, if there’s anything I know, actions matter more than words to women.”

Bucky nodded at his mother’s words, after all mothers know best.

They spend a few more minutes with one another before Winnie is deciding it’s time for her to go, though Bucky has informed her he is free the rest of the day she still waves him off. 

“I’ll see you for dinner this weekend,” she adds.

Bucky agrees with a promise to be there, he walks her to the door pulling her into a tight embrace, “please don’t do anything to possibly mess this up any further James,” she murmurs into his shoulder, “that girl as upset and hurt as she may be right now, she loves you son, and the fact that she called me worried about you, when she very well should have been worried about herself speaks volumes to me, so please, please do the right thing by her, and if she needs time, you better give her that time Bucky.”

He squeezes his mother a little tighter, “I promise ma, I’ll try my hardest to keep my mouth shut.”

She pulls back hand coming up to pat at his cheek lightly, “I know you will, now,” she murmurs pulling away from his embrace, and patting down his suit, “you behave and if I get a call before Sunday I'mcoming for your head Jamsie, and you know mom doesn’t play around.”

Winnie pulls a laugh from him, giving him one last pat before she’s moving out the door, Bucky sees her out, watching as she stops by your desk, hands giving yours a squeeze, she’s telling you something, and he so badly wants to find out what it is his mother is telling you, but whatever it is she tells you once winnieis out of sight, your eyes are meeting his, an unreadable expression on your face.

The eye contact doesn’t last long as you look away, eyes averting back to your computer, and he knows that’s his cue to retreat back into his office and try and get something done today, though it would be to no avail, as you consumed his mind.

Bucky tries, and tries, and tries, he’s doing exactly what his ma told him, he’s giving you your time, giving you your space, but he’s pulling, he’s letting you know he’s there.

It feels like it gets him nowhere though, the week drags without you, drags without your company, and come Saturday he’s as miserable as ever. Not even Steve and Sam have been able to get him to go out, each day that had passed of this week had just ended up with him home alone, his body slumped on the couch as he waited for you to come in through the doors, but it never came, you never came.

He’s checking his phone, he hadn’t received a text from you, not that he had been expecting to, most of his texts this past week had gone seen but unanswered, you were what others might call ‘ghosting him’ if he could even call it that.

A sigh leaves his lips, the temptation to call his mom again and ask for advice for the third time this week bounces around in his mind, but he already knows what she’s going to say, _“give her time James, you’ve hurt her, she needs her time.”_

So he sulks, and what more is there to do, he had put this on himself.

He’s getting ready to call it a night after two more hours of sulking, his feet are pushing him from the comfort of the couch when the door to your shared apartment is banging open your giggling form stumbling through. That’s not the sight that catches Bucky off guard though, what catches him off guard is the man attached to your back, lips attached to your neck.

Bucky’s frozen heart clenching in his chest as he watches another giggle spill from your lips before your stopping your stumbling feet eyes meeting his, “oh,” a giggle, “I’m sorry James didn’t know you’d be home, I thought you would be out at the bar with Steve and Sam.”

Bucky’s words are caught in his throat, his eyes moving from yours to the man still glued to your neck, you clear your throat, the man pulls away from your neck, eyes meeting Bucky’s, a charming smile falling onto the mystery mans face, “oh shoot babe,” babe, Bucky questions, “didn’t know you had a roommate.”

Your chuckle is nervous, “didn’t think he would be in, uh Bucky this is,” a breath, “this is Levi, uh Levi this is my roommate James.”

Levi doesn’t remove himself from you simply opting to give Bucky a gesture with a knock of his head, “its good to meet you man,” he grins, before he’s turning his attention back to you, “which one is your room?”

Bucky feels sick watching you point out your door, Levi leaves your side, and Bucky watches as Levi slips into the hallway his body turning to yours slightly, “don’t take too long,” he winks, and Bucky suddenly feels sick.

Another giggle slips your lips as Levi completely disappears through the hall, a click sounding from your room.

Its a minute before your eyes are meeting Bucky’s finger brushing your hair behind your ear, “I hope you don’t mind Buck,” you murmur bouncing on the tips of your toes, “but i assumed you might have been out with Sam and Steve at the bar.”

“I haven’t been out all week y/n,” and his voice sounds off even to him, but then again so does your as the ‘oh’ slips from your lips.

“we’ll try and keep the noise down then.”

Buckys face visibly pales at your words, he wants to ask you what you mean, but the next words nearly have his body buckling, “I don’t think this guy is a cuddler by any means, so he should be gone by tonight, but if he’s not, would you mind helping me getting him out come morning?”

oh god.

“y/n i-”

“thanks Bucky,” you chirp, and he doesn’t have time to reach for you, to stop you before your bounding down the hall.

The minute he hears your door click, his heart shatters in his chest, through watery eyes hes reaching for his phone, fingers working shakily as he pulls up her contact, it rings once, twice, three times before her voice is filling his ear.

“James?”

He sucks in a shaky breath, “ma can I come over,” a breath, “please.”


	6. You Better Shape Up

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: angst, feels.
> 
> A/n: Our most problematic Bucket getting his head out of his ass and taking Mama Winnies words of wisdom! ALSO pls don’t come for some decisions i chose to make or i mean do but be nice im struggling but in the end this felt right.

Winnie was waiting out on the porch by the time he arrived, robe tucked tightly around her shoulders, rollers tucked away neatly into her hair. The second his feet touched the porch Winnie was wrapping him up in her arms, a shaky breath leaving his lips as he clung to his ma, “she brought another guy home ma,” he sniffled, “she hasn’t even given me much of a chance, she’s not home anymore, she won’t hear me out either, I don’t know what to do, what am I supposed to do?”

Winnie rubbed her hands up and down her son’s back, “oh James,” she murmured leaning her head against his, “I’m so sorry,” she sighed, “why don’t you come inside, I’ll get you something to drink and we can talk.”

He’s nodding his head but doesn’t remove himself from her hold as she walks the two of them into the house. Winnie brings him over to a seat telling him to ‘wait right there’ promising to be back with a cup of something cold and strong to wash away the hurt.

He doesn’t watch as his mother retreats from his side, eyes glued to the floor as your words replay in his mind ‘would you mind helping me get him out coming morning’ they leave behind an awful lingering feeling that sits heavy in his chest. 

“Here you go sweetheart, this should be strong enough,” he glances up only slightly to get the drink from his mother, lips immediately finding the rim of the glass as he takes a quick sip a quiet hiss falling from his lips. Winnie takes a seat next to him, hand finding its way to his knee, he glances up at her, a sigh leaves his lips, a shake of his head, “go on,” she raises a brow, “say it ma, I know you want to.” he murmurs taking another drink from his cup.

A heavy sigh leaves her lips fingers squeezing, “sweetheart if you’re looking for an I told you so from me you’re not going to get it,” she’s giving another comforting squeeze watching as he downs the rest of the drink.

“Is this how she was feeling every night, every morning,” he questions to no one in particular, “god I – fuck ma,” he groans head falling to his hands glass knocking against his head. “please, please tell me I told you so ma, I need to hear it.”

“James you’re hurting sweetheart, not even I am that -”

“She was hurting too ma,” he cuts her off, “I should have never started picking up women and bringing them home at that stupid bar, especially knowing y/n would be there, god how could I have not seen it, not known what I was doing to her” he questioned exasperatedly.

“James,” Winnie tries, “son your making this very hard.”

He glances up at her through, “say it ma you know you want to, let me hear it,” he adds, “rip me a new one, slap me upside the head, tell me.

His mother huffs, “you’re just like you father,” she argues, “never seeing a good thing even when its standing right in front of you!”

He draws back, “now wait a minute,” he tries but his mother is shaking his head, “you wanted me to tear you a new one, to slap you upside the head well son now you’re going to listen, and you’re going to listen good,” she ground out.

“ma that’s not what I meant.”

Shes shaking her head arms crossed, “well you asked for it.”

“Look James,” she starts, “you’re hurt and as much as it pains me to see my baby hurting, I’m sorry to say sweetheart but you had this coming.” Bucky’s eyes snap to his ma slightly widened, she sighs, “sweetheart y/n has been there for you since your first year of college when the two of you met in that English class of yours, she has been there for you through absolutely everything, she was there when you would get sick and I couldn’t get to you, she was there to cheer you on during your exams, right by your side during graduation, and look where she is now, she’s still with you, she works for you, she keeps your life together, she makes sure you take care of yourself, that you’re taken care of, and son what have you done for her?”

Bucky’s lips part ready to rebuttal but his ma comes for him once more, “aside from giving her a place to stay and helping her work through the ranks of your job, what have you given her son?”

He falls silent as he scourges his mind for something, anything, but he can’t find something he’s done that could ever match up to what you do for him. He lets out a shaky breath, he was such a goddamn ass.

“couldn’t have gone easier on me,” he questions with a choked laugh.

A sympathetic smile tugs at the corner of Winnies lips, fingers reaching out to cup her son’s cheek, “I’m sorry son, but I told you, but you just kept pushing and pushing.”

“I deserve this don’t I,” he murmurs thumb brushing over his lower lip, “son nobody deserves to hurt the way you are and the way y/n has, but sweetheart sometimes things happen to teach us a lesson and as much as I hate to say this, what goes around unfortunately comes around.”

“It was never my intention to hurt her ma, I - I honestly didn’t think me bringing home girls from the bar bothered her, and when she never said no to running the girls out, I didn’t think she felt any way about me, it wasn’t until recently that she would say no teasingly had Steve and Sam not told me what was right in front of me I might have never caught on, I would have kept hurting her, god I was such an idiot!”

Winnie sighs a nod to her head, “I’ll have to agree with you on that one son.”

Bucky chuckles though it doesn’t meet his eyes, “what do I do ma,” he asks looking to his mom for guidance, “like what do I really do?”

Winnie pats his thigh, “As much as I wish I had the answer for that son, because god knows you need someone like y/n in your life, I don’t think I have the words to help you fix this.”

“I just, I don’t know what to do mom, I know she deserves to finally see other people, to not be solely focused on me,” he rubs a hand over his mouth the next words threatening to choke him up, “but the selfish part of me is afraid to let her, the selfish part of me wants to keep her to myself,” a shaky breath leaves his lips.

“I’m afraid to lose her.”

Winnies heart aches in her chest, “Oh James.”

“I took her for granted mom,” he breathes, “I thought she would be permanent, that what we had would be permanent that I never thought of the possibility of losing her.” His eyes fall to the floor, “I think I know what I need to do ma, it’s going to hurt, but this will be nothing on the hurt that I caused her.”

His mother didn’t have the words, she could only pull her son into her arms and press a kiss to his head, hands rubbing vigorously up and down the length of his arm as she tried to give him all the comfort she could muster. Winnie had to trust that her son would do the right thing and not hurt y/n any further, she also knew and had to hope that he would do the right thing and show y/n he was sorry and that he did in fact love her. After minutes of sitting in silence Bucky finally found the smallest bit of strength to pull himself from his mother’s comforting hold, “I should go,” he had murmured softly.

She reluctantly walked him to the door, arms pulling him into one last embrace, pulling away to really look at him, “will you still be over for dinner tomorrow?”

He offers up his best smile, “of course ma, wouldn’t miss it for the world you know that.”

“my boy,” she smiles softly, “my sweet oblivious boy,” he laughs, “if you need me for whatever reason I’m just a call or drive away.”

He’s leaning forward to give his ma a wet kiss to the cheek earning him a smack to the side, “get home,” she laughs, “and please, for the love of god please don’t mess this up.”

He holds onto her hand faintly as he pulls away from her, “I promise ma, I’m going to do right by her, she deserves to be happy.”

She squeezes his fingers, “I know you will son, I know you will”

Winnie watches as her son bounds down the steps, watches gets into his car driving off into the night, its only when she can no longer see his carlights that she looks away eyes darting to the sky, “please let him do right,” she murmurs.

By the time Bucky had arrived back to the apartment, the home was dark and quiet, not a single sound to be heard. Toeing off his shoes he shrugged out of his jacket moving quietly through the dark, he moved slowly down the hall, feet stopping in the spot between your door and his. He stood; eyes trained on your door, a single thought running through his mind.

_He would do better by you._

A weak smile tugs at his lips before he’s moving over to his room, a restless night awaiting him.

The following morning soft knocks rouse him awake; he turns onto his side eyes glancing at the alarm clock sat on his nightstand 9:00 a.m. glares back at him in bright bold numbering.

_‘would you mind helping me get him out come morning’_

It’s much too early to be needing to swallow down the knot in his throat, but he does it anyway, shaky hands pulling back the sheets on his bed, rubbing the sleep from his eyes as he stands. He takes slow steps fingers gripping around the knob turning it. He’s met with a meek smile, greeted with a low voice, “hey so he didn’t leave last night like planned could you -” the words die on your tongue.

He offers you a smile _do better for her_ , “course doll, wasn’t your type,” he questions as he steps out of his room.

“uh what,” you question his words catching you off guard, “the guy,” he answers, “is he not your type?”

“o-oh, uh,” you’re sweeping your hair behind your ear, a nervous tick, “doesn’t matter if he was my type or not, Natasha and Wanda thought I needed to have a little fun, ‘let go’,” you murmured.

He’s nodding, “any particular way you want me to get rid of the punk?”

You’re shaking your head averting your eyes for a moment, “whatever will have him out of here quicker?”

He’s laughing though you see it doesn’t meet his eyes, “you got it, uhm,” he scratches the back of his head wondering how you did this without exposing how you felt, “you might want to hide.”

“hide,” you questioned brow raised.

The smile that tugs at Bucky’s lips is more genuine now, “trust me doll, I’ll have him out of here in minutes, now go.”

Bucky watches as you dip into the restroom quietly, and its only when he’s heard the door click softly that he’s moved over to your door, hand gripping at the knob. He pushes the door open slowly, spotting the rustled sheets, and the man in question nearly hanging off your dead the only thing covering his modesty is a single sheet. 

A heavy weight sits on his chest, feet pushing him forward he pokes at the guys back, “hey, hey Levi,” the man remains unmoving and Bucky holds back an eyeroll.

“dude, come on man I need you to get up,” Bucky tries more urgently, he receives a groan in question.

‘son of a bitch’ bucky mumbles under his breath. “Levi dude I need you to get up, you need to go man!”

Levis head shoots up, body disoriented, it takes him a second to focus on bucky, “why - wh - where’s y/n?” he questions looking to the empty side of the bed.

“look man, I’m not sure what y/n told you, but she isnt single.”

Levis scooting up the bed now and Bucky holds back a laugh, “what do you mean she isn’t single,” he hisses slipping from the bed taking the sheet with him.

“she has a boyfriend man, do I need to spell it out for you,” Bucky questions, “look man you need to go, her boyfriend always comes over for brunch, and trust me when I say he isn’t going to be happy finding you in her bed, much less her room stark naked.”

“Oh fuck, I knew I should have gone for the redhead,” he groans stumbling around the room as he grabs his things. He’s brushing past bucky sheet in tow as he practically falls out y/n’s door. Bucky follows watching him rush to the door, “hope she doesn’t mind her man buying her a new comforter,” he calls over his shoulder as he moves out the door, the wood slamming closed behind him.

It’s a minute later when he hears soft steps behind him, “do I even want to know what you told him to have him running out of here so quick?”

He’s offering you a half smile, “nothing you wouldn’t have said in my case,” his eyes turn to yours “and you might want to tell Natasha and Wanda if they want you to get out there and have some fun, to go for the guy that doesn’t also have their eyes set on them.”

“Buck,” you start, “don’t,” you warn.

“I’m not doing -”

“you really have no right to be saying anything you know,” you cut him off tone defensive, “not once, not once did I ever tell you anything after I would send the girls you would bring home out, so how d-”

“y/n I’m not telling you anything about you bringing a guy home,” he cuts you off, because he’ll be damned if you don’t hear him out this time. “I get it, I have no right to say anything, trust me sweetheart I get it, I know I’m the last person that should be saying anything after how much I’ve hurt you, but I need you to hear me, and I need you to listen, give me five minutes.”

He watches you swallow, “go ahead,” you mutter.

He takes in a breath, “I apologize if I’m all over the place but I’ve been told I don’t exactly have a way with words so please bear with me and just listen.” You remain quiet so he continues, “I’m sorry for the way I’ve acted, for the things I’ve told you without thinking how it might hurt you, I’m sorry for hurting you,” he adds, “but the thing I’m most sorry for is not seeing you, for not seeing everything you do for me and matching your efforts.” “You’ve kept me together for a little over six years, and how did I repay you,” he questions though he doesn’t expect an answer, “by hurting you.” “You have to know these past weeks, past months, past year, it was never my intention to hurt you y/n, ever,” he emphasizes, “you have to know that if I knew bringing home women from the bar and then asking of you to kick them out, if I knew it hurt you like it was, I would have never, never done that to you.” He takes in a breath, “you deserve happiness sweetheart, if there is anyone more deserving of it its you, and while I might want to be that guy who brings it to you, I know I hurt you, and I probably don’t deserve -”

“that’s not your decision to make,” you ground out.

“Y/n I hurt you sweetheart, and you deserve to ‘get out there’ and have fun, and be seen by a guy who won’t be as oblivious to you as I was, to be with a guy who is going to cherish and appreciate you like you should be,” he argues, “but that doesn’t mean that I’m not going to be right there trying to fix my wrongs and show you that my feelings aren’t just an in the moment thing, because sweetheart they aren’t, I might not have realized what those feelings for you were right away but I think they’ve been there for some time now.” He wants to reach out to you, to cup your cheek in his hand and just feel you, but its not the right time. “I’m going to do right by you sweetheart, and I’m going to show you just how much I appreciate everything, and I mean everything you’ve ever done for me, I’m sorry I’ve been the biggest idiot ever and I hope you’ll give me a chance.”

“I can’t make you any promises Buck, you’re right you did hurt me, and I’m not just going to fall to my knees because you spewed every word I could have possibly wanted to hear from you, I don’t need a guy, I need a man, a man who sees me, who is going to fight for me and make sure I know how much I mean to them; I need a man who is going to hang the moon and stars like I did for you, one that knows my worth.”

For a minute Bucky has felt like hes managed to mess everything up once more when a silence washes over the two of you. It’s a choking feeling, and he wonders what more he could possibly tell you to make any of this better. He’s trying to find the words when your voice breaks through his crazed mind, your words lifting the heaviness in his chest even just slightly, “are we still going to your moms for dinner?” and it’s a simple question, a question that shouldn’t even be looked at the way he’s looking at it, but it’s also an underlying hope.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: angst, fluff, wholesome endings.
> 
> A/N: THE END! Another request/WIP wrapped up and in the bag that is my growing masterlist! Thank you to the wonderful and most lovely @lookiamtrying for this amazing request, i hope it was everything you might have wanted love! I also hope this wholesome ending will give you all the feels and reassurance the our most problematic Bucket isn’t as problematic as we thought, he just needed a stern talking to about his feelings.

_“Are you seriously doing this right now buck, why are you acting like this!”_

_His head is in his hands, fingers scrubbing at his face trying to rub the anger that dwells in his chest away, “y/n sweetheart just drop it, give me time, go to your room, I’m sure Stewart is waiting for you.”_

_“No Barnes we’re doing this now, and its Stephan, not Stewart” he glances up at you through his fingers, jaw clenched, “y/n please, just go to your room I will be fine.”_

_You’re shaking your head, “No Buck your behavior at the bar was unacceptable, you were an ass the entire time, so we’re doing this, and we’re doing it now!”_

_His jaw clenches, hands flying up to the air, “why,” he growls, “why can’t you just go to Stewart and just call it a night.”_

_“because Bucky I haven’t seen you this worked up, so obviously something is bothering you!”_

_He’s shaking his head, “you really want to know what’s bothering me, what has me so worked up,” he questions angrily, and you’re nodding your head eyes hard, “I’m upset y/n, and not at you, not at fucking Stewart who’s goddamn waiting for you in your room, no,” he gruffs, “I am upset with myself, because it has been a month and I have been trying each and every day to show you how much you mean to me, and I feel like it’s not enough, like it will never be enough, and it makes me more upset with myself that I can’t even stand to see you go on dates, to get picked up at the bar, to have to kick some of these assholes out of your room in the mornings right before work.” He groans head dipping down, “I’m upset because I’m not handling this as well as you, you dealt with girls for a year and I haven’t been able to handle a damn month,” he sighs shaking his head, eyes meeting yours again, “you deserve to be happy y/n, and I promised myself I would make sure you were even if it wasn’t with me.”_

_You promised yourself you would be strong, give yourself a chance to find someone outside of Bucky but your heart aches for the man in front of you, “Bucky I-”_

_“hey y/n, you coming to bed soon?”_

_Stephan._

_Both you and Bucky look to his open door, Stephan stands there shirt tussled, top buttons popped open._

_“uh I- I’ll be right there just go back to my room I’ll be in shortly.”_

_Stephan is throwing you a wink, one that has you shuddering for all the wrong reasons, “don’t be too long,” he grins, the door to your room closing behind his form._

_“go y/n,” your eyes are snapping towards Bucky, “it’s alright sweetheart,” he murmurs, “go, don’t keep him waiting.”_

_“Bucky,” he stands to his feet then, body moving over to yours, hand finding your cheek, “go y/n, I’ll be alright, there’s a guy in there that Is waiting for you.” he murmurs pointing to the door of your closed room._

_You can’t stop the words that spill from your lips, “but there’s a guy waiting in here too,” you whisper voice cracking ever so slightly._

_A small smile tugs at his lips, eyes closing as his head leans against yours, “and he can keep waiting, those guys get you for a night, I’ve had you for the better part of six years doll and I still don’t deserve you, hell the guys you bring home probably deserve you more than I do, so go, I’ll be here ready to run Stewart out first thing in the morning.”_

_“Buck,” and it’s a plea, because if he asked you to stay you would, because regardless of what has happened between the two of you, he’s shown you more in the past month then the men that straggle their way into your home._

_Stephans voice is calling out for you again through the closed door of your room, and it takes all of Bucky to remove himself from you to offer you that smile that doesn’t reach his eyes, “go,” he says, “he’s waiting,” and you’re not sure who it’s to reassure more, himself or you but he’s throwing in a “we’re okay,” though you were felling far from it._

_You walk away from him that night, both your hearts screaming to go to one another._

“I want to say he deserves it, but I don’t know,” Steve sighs, “it’s been like what a little over three months?”

Sam pfts from next to him taking a long swig of his drink, “you ask me Barnes deserves it,” he says eyes meeting yours, “and while yeah it might hurt you to see him so down, milk it baby, get yourself those flowers, the chocolates, the longer lunches, the spa days for you Nat and Wanda, get yourself that day off, hell get yourself some dick!”

“Sam,” Steve argues, but Sam’s pointing a finger, “don’t want to hear it Rogers I know he’s your best friend and all yada yada yada, but y/n has had this a long time coming, so what if Barnes is suffering, y/n deserves happiness, and look at all these men that have been throwing themselves at her left and right, y/n is finally finding happiness outside of Barnes, and who knows she might just find herself that man.”

Steve goes to rebuttal Sam’s argument but Sam’s pushing off his chair muttering something about fetching more drinks for the table.

Your meeting Steve’s eyes from across the table, “has he been okay,” you find yourself questioning.

“As good as one would expect given the situation,” Steve replies bringing his drink to his lips taking a quick swig, “he really does want you to be happy, and as hurt as he is to see you go out with these other guys some more than once he’s told me that it all doesn’t matter, that he’ll push that pain aside to hear the happiness in your voice after a successful night, your happiness is important to him, more so than whatever he’s feeling.”

“He’s making it hard Steve, like,” a sigh, “I want to keep milking it like Sam says because he’s right I deserve it after everything I’ve done for him over the years, but its been three months and he’s still hurting even if he won’t say and it hurts me to see him like that.”

Steves placing his drink down, arms leaning on the table, “he just wants you happy y/n, honestly and truly sweetheart, and while Sam might not be able to vouch for what I’m about to say because, and well let’s face it Sam gives him shit when it comes to you, he loves you, like really loves you, but he also knows what he’s done to you is shitty and you don’t deserve that.”

“Oh Stevie what am I going to do?”

Steves hand is reaching for yours finger squeezing, “I wish I had the answer y/n, but at the end of the day it is your life, and you’re the only one who gets to choose what or who is going to make you happy whether that be one of the other guys whisking you off your feet or the guy who has promised to wait for you.”

You’re shaking your head, a warm smile tugging at your lips, “still can’t believe he said that,” you murmured thinking back to that one particular drunken night Bucky had confessed he would wait for you for forever if he had to.

_Your endgame for me sweetheart,” he slurred body leaning into yours the whiskey heavy on his tongue, “and if it takes the rest of forever, I’m willing to wait that long,”_

_You had laughed it off growing warm under the gaze of your friends patronizing stares, but you still hadn’t stopped the words from spilling from your lips, as you leaned in close, “don’t make promises you don’t intend on keeping buck.”_

_His hazy eyes had widened as he got into your space, “who said I wasn’t going to keep my promise,” he questioned, “believe me your worth waiting for,” he grinned lopsided, his words knocking the breath from your lungs, to the passerby it might seem like two lovers having an intimate moment, but you knew better._

“He’s smitten for you y/n, and I believe him when he says your endgame for him.” he smiles.

Your leaning in eyes flitting to the bar to make sure Sam is still at the bar top, “don’t tell Wilson, but I think so too.”

Steve leans forwards fingers tapping lightly against your skin, “secrets safe with me,” he grins.

Later that night when you’re stumbling through the door a nice buzz flowing through you, Bucky’s right there waiting for you, a grin on his bearded face as he catches you in the doorway.

“Steve said you were buzzed, think he might have been gone himself too when he texted me that,” he chuckled as he watched you shed your shoes. 

Your hazy eyes are meeting his as you stand, hands holding onto his arm for support, “did you have fun,” he finds himself questioning, “meet any new contenders?”

“do you want me to meet new contenders?”

“it doesn’t matter what I want sweetheart,” he replies hands steadying you, “if meeting a new guy makes you happy and they treat you like you deserve then you can meet as many new contenders as you want.”

Your stepping closer to him, your hand reaching up to rest on his cheek, fingers feeling the underlying stubble there, “you might not think your showing it, but I can see the hurt that lies there when I bring someone new, and more so when I ask if you can help me get rid of them come morning.”

A small smile tugs at the corner of his mouth cheek leaning into your touch, “m’not as good as hiding how I feel like you, but I’m trying, besides I recall I said I had the rest of forever?”

A smile pulls at your lips at his words, and you know what you need to do, “did tony ever give you that check for the date with me?”

Bucky’s tilting his head to the side in question, “he dropped it off at the office last week I think it was the day I extended your lunch with the girls, why?”

“Would you mind if I snatched it out of your hands and put it to good use?”

You catch the falter of his features but he’s quick to steel himself, “sure thing sweetheart, you can grab it from my office tomorrow, when do you plan on using it and who’s the lucky guy, is it Stephan I’ve seen him around more than once.”

“was hoping to use it tomorrow actually” you replied, “with it being Friday and all,” his face falls, “why the long face Barnes?”

He’s shaking his head, “nothing to worry about sweetheart, say,” he says dismissing your question, “why don’t we get you to bed, unless you plan on asking me for the day off tomorrow,” he chuckles as he leads you down the hall, strong hands steadying your swaying form.

You push your feet into the floor as he brings you to your door, eyes meeting his over your shoulder, “would you give me the day tomorrow?”

He tilts his head to the side, a small smile kissing the side of his mouth, “all you have to do is ask sweetheart I -”

“would you take the day off with me?”

You can see the hesitation there, “I - I don’t know sweetheart,” he says with a slight shake of his head, fingers leaving your skin to rub at the back of his head, “why do you need me,” he questions, “you’ll be getting ready for your date tomorrow I would be no fun.”

“was kind of hoping I could spend the day with my best friend, and you seem to have an impeccable taste with helping me choose what would look best on me,” you breathe.

And Bucky wishes he could tell you no, but he’s never been able to tell you no, be there for her, be there for her, he put on his best smile, “sure thing sweetheart, I’ll just have to text Steve that we both won’t be in tomorrow, and move around some meetings,” he replies leaning past you to push open your door.

You’re turning in his hold fingers lying flat against his chest as you steady yourself, Bucky can’t help but to chuckle at the way you look at him with hazy eyes a drunken smile tugging at your lips, “thank you Buck,” and he’s tilting his head in question, “for tonight, for everything,” you answer, “I know it’s not easy but thank you for putting my happiness before yours.”

His hand comes up to your cheek, “you’ve always put mine before yours sweetheart, it was time for me to do the same, to do the same for my girl.”

The name has your heart swelling in your chest and it takes all of you to not push up onto your bare toes and press your lips to his. Well almost all of you, you don’t stop yourself as you lean forward, your lips catching his bearded chin.

“goodnight Buck,” you murmur with a smile body stumbling back, he watches you turn on your heel making your way to your bed. It’s only when your tucked into bed dress and all, that he clicks the light off, feet carrying him to his room, body falling to the bed eyes trained on the ceiling, he was screwed.

“Buck, Bucky, BUCK!”

He’s shooting up in bed, eyes darting to the clock on his nightstand, 9:00 a.m. shit, he breathed as he threw himself from the bed, his name sounding from your lips once more.

He skids out of his room to find the bathroom door wide open, your body sunk in the tub, bubbles, he stops midstep heart racing but not for the reason one would think, “y/n, doll what – what’s going on?”

You’re sending him a sly grin, “my hands are wet,” you reply showing him your bubbled hands, “would you mind reading me this passage from my book?”

“doll I -”

“I have a towel over myself and you can’t see through the bubbles, please,” you murmur, lips turning downwards into your best pout, “spend time with me?”

And Bucky really wishes he could say no, but you’re giving him the pout, you’re giving him the eyes, and maybe just maybe he can keep you from going on that date if he plays his cards right.

His feet are moving towards you and your smile is brighter than he’s ever seen, “the page is book marked,” you reply as you move around in the tub, bubbles and water sloshing around you as he takes a seat on the closed camote. Picking up the book he looks at the title, ‘Captain Corelli’s Mandolin’ flipping to the page you’ve bookmarked he begins to read.

“When you fall in love, it is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake, and then it subsides. And when it subsides, you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots are to become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the desire to mate every second of the day. It is not lying awake at night imagining that he is kissing every part of your body. No … don’t blush. I am telling you some truths. For that is just being in love; which any of us can convince ourselves we are. Love itself is what is left over, when being in love has burned away. Doesn’t sound very exciting, does it? But it is!”

Bucky can’t help but to let the words settle in him, resonate as he continues to flip a few more pages, only stopping when your voice calls to him, his eyes meet yours, “I always knew you had a voice for reading.”

He places the book down on his lap, a smile pulling at the corners of his mouth, “you ready to get out, don’t think your date this evening would appreciate you pruning.”

You laugh moving the bubbles around with your fingers, “I don’t think he would mind at all actually.”

Bucky raises a brow, “oh,” he questions, “and you know this for a fact?”

You’re shaking your head flinging a handful of bubbles at him, “not a fact, just a feeling, now go Barnes, don’t want you seeing my lady bits,” he chuckles lowly but obliges anyway laying the book back down on the camote for you.

Its minutes later after he’s made himself some toast and grabbed himself a cup of coffee that he’s walking back to his room to find you already in there your body sticking out of his closet a pile of your clothes on his bed.

“you planning on wearing something from my closet out on your date,” he questions brow raised.

You’re popping your head out a sly grin on your face, “no but I thought you might want to change out of your ruffled pjs and into something nicer,” he raises a brow taking a sip of his coffee, “sweetheart im just going to help you choose an outfit.”

“indulge me will you Barnes?”

And he will because he’ll do anything for you, you just have to ask.

He’s placing his cup down arms outstretched to catch whatever clothes you picked out for him, he doesn’t bother to look at the articles of clothing’s, he trusts you.

“alright sweetheart, let’s see what you have planned,” he replies pushing the pile of your clothes to the side so he can get comfortable on the bed.

You’ve found the perfect outfit for tonight, Bucky’s favorite dress on you, you had insisted, “I’m only wearing it if it’s something you would like to see me in.” you had said as you twirled for him. He should have said no, because as it hits the final minutes before you’re set to go out and meet the lucky man of the night, a heavy ache sits on his chest.

You’ve left his room to grab your shoes and bag, and Bucky’s left sitting there thinking when this pain stops.

“You alright Buck,” his eyes flit up to yours, and he can only offer you a nod of his head and a small smile.

“I hope this isn’t too much to ask,” you murmur fixing your bag around your shoulder, “but would you mind walking me down to the bar?”

He wants to say no, he really should say no, but you’re brushing your hair behind your ear and he’s gone, “of course doll, let me just get changed and I’ll meet you in the living room.”

Bucky takes his time pulling on the clothes you picked out, fingers working slowly. He doesn’t bother with a last look in the mirror, he just wants to get this over with he thinks as he grabs his phone bracing himself as he leaves his room, the door shutting behind him.

“you ready,” you question with a smile.

As ready as he would be.

Arriving at the bar, Bucky sees you glance down at your phone, fingers working over the screen and he thinks this should be where he leaves you to it. “You good from here sweetheart?”

Your eyes are meeting his, phone being thrown into your purse, “he said he’s running late, would you mind sitting with me while I wait?”

“uh - yeah sure doll, let’s get you a seat at the bar, and you two can move once he gets here.”

You and Bucky get adjusted each ordering a drink to wait, a minute becomes two, and two minutes become 30. At this point you’ve already ordered an appetizer for the two of you and are waiting for your meals to hit the bar top, they hit a second later.

Bucky can’t help to notice how calm you are compared to him, how relaxed you are as you pick at a fry a pretty little smile on your lips, “how you doin doll,” he can’t help but to question over the top of his cup, “any word on your date.”

Your eyes are meeting his, a shake to your head as you look down to your plate, “hasn’t said anything, but it’s fine,” you add, “I’m in great company,” you smile.

Bucky would be damned if he lets whatever guy you had asked to meet you here ruin your night, he would make sure you had a good time till that asshole got here and Bucky could give him a piece of his mind.

Your laughter filled his ears, his heart racing in his chest as he pulled out all the stops for you, 30 minutes had become two hours and Bucky had made sure that you hadn’t noticed the time pass like he had, he made sure you were happy, you were content, that you were having a good time. If he could stop time to have you like this always, he would, he’s never seen you this happy.

A thought hits him then, falling in love with you is like entering a house and finally realizing that he’s home. When you smile at him, he feels invisible hands wrapping around his heart that make him feel safe. When your eyes are locked on his, it’s like he’s staring right into the depths of your soul. Having you in his life makes everything easier, feel like anything is possible in this world, like he can conquer anything. 

“You staring Barnes,” you say over the loud chatter of the bar, he smiles, his hand finding yours on the bar top, and you let him. He glances down at your intertwined fingers, “what’s on your mind Buck,” you question with a squeeze of his fingers.

His eyes meet yours, “just thinking about how long forever might be?”

Your head tilts to the side in question, “yeah,” he starts, “I told you I’d wait for forever with you, and I’m just wondering how long that might be.” 

Your heart clenches in your chest, a warming feeling, your other hand that sat on your lap comes up to rest on his cheek, your thumb tracing his lip lightly the tip of your finger ghosting over it. It moves with you pouting slightly, and you have such an urge to bite it, kiss it. His lip feels slightly chapped under your feather light touches but you simply cannot bring yourself to give a damn. You’re in love with him. He never leaves your mind, he’s always there; mentally if not physically. It’s just incomprehensible. He’s your one stable force, that you so desperately crave to have in your life. You love him for that. You’re in love with him. And its time you’ve told him.

“I don’t think you’ll have to wait much longer.”

Now Bucky is the one tilting his head to the side, breath catching in his throat because you can’t possibly be saying what he hopes you are.

“what do you mean,” he finds himself asking.

“there was no other date tonight Buck, no lucky guy waiting to meet me at the bar, it was you.”

“so the check -” 

“was going to be used on you,” you reply, “why do you think I asked you to help me find something YOU wanted to see me in, that’s why I chose something I loved to see you in.” you murmured tugging at the lapels of his shirt. “I love you Buck, and no guy that I bring home is ever going to change what I feel for you.”

You were completely unprepared. You would think that after all these years you’d spent with Bucky- watching him talk, laugh and frown - that you would know all there was to know about his lips. But you couldn’t have imagined how warm they would feel pressed up against your own.

“is this the start of forever,” he murmurs as he pulls back slightly a grin on his kissed lips

A smile tugs at your lips fingers pulling him back in, “not sure about forever,” you tease, “but its a start.”

##  **_FIN_ **


End file.
